HELLO!!
Yayyyyyyyy my internet is back!!

haha nat ah nat! Tell us about ur EXCITING trip soon okay! like, in 2 days time :D
eeee not looking forward to school:( Ms Tan isn't teaching us anymore and i heard my chi tr has vapourised.

Had my class outing yesterday..13 ppl turned up in total. wow.
But I guess it was not very wasted, got a chance to have a one-on-one with a few of my classmates(: AHMA! haha if you see this: Don't sweat kay! I know I wasn't much of a help yesterday..but i appreciate the time:D And dude, you rock and you know it. So try not to think of anything else alrite? Haha and whoa its the first time i talked to someone ego-er than me!!! Hehe.
every good leader needs a good backup...that is what i learned painfully.

hmm carnival today. woke up at 5:20am and wondered if i should walk to the mrt stn or take a bus there, then go to cityhall by 6:45. Haha i felt like i was going on an excursion!
So i asked andy for advice and she said take bus cos i'll have the company of the bus uncle(:
So i waited and waited and...I actually felt like i was waiting at a wrong busstop or today is the 54 bus uncles free off day or smth. guess what time the bus came! 6:40am. whoooooooo!

carnival.
The first 2 games where with serangoon gardens and st hilda's. Didn't do very well...
As I walked out of that match, I cannot describe how i felt. I felt like a loser. Like a total loser. I couldn't even lead a team, not to win, but to have pride in the game, to put in their best. The way i felt..wasted? disgusted? upset, demoralised, ashamed, disappointed. I don't know what, but it made me cry. I asked the Lord to give me strength and courage at that point, so I wouldn't upset the rest..the jrs..those that still have that respect for me as a leader. I managed to control myself for a while, but upon thinking back at the game, I just...i just don't understand. What must i do to make you all understand how its like for me? To stand on the field, trying..but i don't see my team going in the same direction. As a whole team, that is. I cannot name individuals because i think you've mistaken. Netball, is a TEAM game. No matter what position you play or whatsoever, please, know, one person can bring it down..but we need everybody, to pull it up. It does not depend on just play alone. Just looking at the expressions on your face, I want to just throw my bib down and walk out. I don't want to play anymore. What for?? Even if we win, there's no satisfaction, cos you're not interested. then, neither am i. hear the phrase "win as a team, lose as a team"? Yeah, I don't want to be the only one in the team.

But dyou know why i don't walk out? Because. because i love you all. i want to keep pushing. push you all till you reach the end of the cliff..and make you..fly. I know you can do it. I know i'm not that good myself. That is why, I need you guys too. I know we're going out there, to have fun and enjoy ourselves on court. But are you really enjoying yourselves knowing that we aren't getting anywhere? You know sometimes i ask myself. Is this worth it. Are we a team? Do you know I exist? Do you know we are in this TOGETHER? On court. If you have seen the difference..I try to give an encouragement before the game, huddle up and get ready. But it jus don't work does it? Because? You are not taking this seriously! I am trying to say something, but some of you just have to disrupt the rest and. and. and why do I have to go through so much courses and talks and blahblahblahs to know how to lead a team when nobody will listen?! You want to know what i think? I think you can't lead a team...without a team. What terrific nonsense right? Think about it. I can never, handle this on my own. Maybe you don't know the true meaning of a team. cos in my opinion, we're not there yet. And before i blabber on, please give this a thought. And i shall go to sleep.

"The treasure our heart searches for is found in the ocean of God's love" -Janet L. Weaver Smith

P.s. Mandz, I'm not angry at today okay (takes more than that to make me angry!)..but you were there, I hope you understand what i'm saying. Oh and yes. You silly goose. hahahaha I missed playing with you(: never fail to amuse me with your weird antics. The first, to wipe my tears away from my eyes :D

Thank You, Lord, for filling my life with people
who care. Thank You for my family...for my
friends...for those who are always there for me.
~CAROL HAMLET ADAMS JUNE 21